Be Friends With Your Womb

Be Friends With Your Womb Cover Spell to be friends with your womb

collapsable athame, stationary fan, electric heater, box of cleenex,
gallon of chocolate ice cream, pen and paper, cauldron, matches, old
blanket from grandma, chair

fast from onset of menstruation to time of ritual
enter room, have door locked from outside

Invocation of the East:
(raise retractable athame)
"Oh, east, maiden who is yet untainted by the dark blood of
menstruation, innocent and unexposed to the searing pain and anguish
of this deep mystery. Enter this circle and remind me of the freedom
from this endless cycle."

Turn to center of circle and jab athame 13 times into womb to
(symbolically, of course) banish the pain from the body. Sit and eat
1/4 of the ice cream. Turn on electric heater to remedy the cold
flashes. Write an enthusiastic letter to a long lost friend from
childhood. Adorn with drawings of flowers and stick figures.

Invocation of the South:
(assume squatting position to ease the cramps) "Oh, south, the fires
that burn within, the heat of passion, the heat of enveloping pain, oh
bright blaze, enter this circle and light the fires of my body..."

Quickly enter center of circle and turn off heater. Turn on fan to
cool down hot flashes. Eat 1/4 of the ice cream. Reread letter and
remember some insignificant thing your friend did to make you angry.
Burn letter in cauldron. Turn off fan and wrap yourself in your
grandmother's blanket. Sit and fume for a while.

Invocation of the West:
(sit in chair and rock back and forth at an immeasurable speed) "Oh
west, cycles that govern me, cycles that control me every single day
of my existence, oh Mother who I am obviously not right now, enter and
tell me what I have to look forward to."

Eat 1/4 of ice cream. Cry hysterically for no reason until you pass
out. After regaining Consciousness, clean mess with kleenex. Take
off blanket because of hot flashes. Take off remainder of clothes.

Invocation of the North:
(eat remainder of ice cream while speaking) "Oh, north, crone, wise
woman, mmmble, slmmrble, slrrrrrp, mmmmblp, slrrmmmmmblp!"

Clean face and hands with tissues. Burn used tissues in cauldron.
Play with the fire. Laugh at Something that happened last week. Feel
a surge of euphoria and become one with the universe. Pick up the
blanket and think of grandma. Cry hysterically. Put on clothes and
clean up.

To dismiss the quarters say:

"You are all so great, I love you all so much, what would I do without
you, lets go have a pizza."

Bang on door until someone lets you out.

Also try this free pdf e-books:

Michael Ford - The Book Of The Witch Moon
Aleister Crowley - Clouds Without Water
Phil Hine - Rites That Go Wrong